Eiffel Tower at Night

Eiffel Tower at Night
I took this photo on our vacation to Europe, July 2010

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Confessions of an Inactive Mormon Girl

Wow. Way to come right out and say it, Becky. Let's not ease people slowly into it. No, let's just throw it out there and rip the bandaid off as quickly as possible. Hah. Back in January of 2011 I wrote my first blog post and mentioned how my family had seen some dramatic changes that I might one day type about if I got enough brave-osity thrumming through my veins. This is it, folks!! This is the day. I've got brave-osity thrumming out the whazoooo!!! Maybe. Possibly. Probably. Okay, I'm afraid..... but since I've already spilled the beans, there's just no going back. I'm out of the Mormon closet. ;)

I was raised Mormon. Very Mormon. Utah County Mormon. I love Mormons. They are my family and friends. I have a lot of respect for them, and due to that respect and love, my typing fingers have been stilled in typing out this blog, mostly from fear of how it might be received. I also don't want people to feel like I'm attacking their religion. That is definitely not my objective here.

I personally don't hold the truth that the Mormon church is the one true church as I was brought up to believe any longer. My little family has been mostly inactive for the past five years. I would never, not in a million years have seen myself in this position any time prior to that. I had what I believed to be a strong testimony. I wanted to go on a mission. My husband served his mission and we both were considered strong members of the church. I truly believed that the gospel was the main key to my happiness in life, and could not see my life without it.

We didn't leave the church because we were offended. We didn't leave because we didn't care. We didn't leave because we stopped going to the temple, reading scriptures, praying, or because we were “sinning,” or because we wanted to sin. We weren't reviewing “anti-mormon” literature. Our decision to leave was incredibly difficult and extremely painful. It was mostly based on what we learned from real church history, among other things. My perceptions of truth were flipped upside down, and my husband and I often refer to it as our “Truman Show” moment. Waking up and feeling like your life has been fabricated in many ways is not an easy pill to swallow. To have a belief in something that you clung to so passionately unravel and crumble before your eyes is devastating. It took a lot of time, a whole lot of prayer, and a whole lot of talking to arrive at this decision.

Most people who leave the church are afraid to talk about it, mostly for fear of judgment. It often seems like most members in the church immediately believe something is drastically wrong with you, and that you're obviously not doing the right things in your life. I have seen so much heartache among many of my friends and family members over this, and it tends to add to the pile of guilt and sadness that you feel. What am I not doing right? Maybe they're right....maybe I could be doing better. There's obviously something wrong with me. WHY am I like this? Finally, I came to the shaky conclusion that, you know what, world? I try to be a really good person. I try to be a good mom. I'm trying to do what's right. It takes SO much courage to stand up for yourself and do what you believe is right, regardless of what everyone may think of you. To me, that is true integrity. And I really want to be a person of integrity.

My hubby and I were a little nervous to move back to Utah and leave our diverse San Antonio behind. In San Antonio, I could wear a tank top and not have people immediately judging me for baring my shoulders. I had neighbors of all different religious denominations around me and we simply loved and accepted each other. I've loved living here so far, but some things do worry me.

I've been lucky.  My neighbors, friends, and my family have been really great to me, but I have worried that I'm seen as slightly poisonous to those people in my life, that someone might feel the  need to make sure that I don't talk to any impressionable youth that might be around, or spread my "poisonous" beliefs.  I used to teach the young women in my ward, and I was also a primary chorister. I LOVED it. Sometimes I feel like now people might view me as an untrustworthy person simply because of my church status, and that they wouldn't want me around their children. That truly saddens me. Growing up in Mormonism, you're taught to be Christlike and accepting toward everyone, but the reality is all too often the opposite. Those who aren't members of the church, especially in Utah County, often seem to be ostracized and unwelcome. I speak not only from my own experience, but from many of my friends as well that have been through similar experiences. You are taught in the Mormon church not to date nonmembers. What will that do for my three young children? How will that make them feel? I've heard of families that won't allow their children to play with the inactive children for fear of them tainting their own, and I've even had that happen to me once a friend discovered I wasn't a member. What kind of Christlike loving is that?!!

Everyone's different, thank goodness. Everyone has their different journeys in life, and mine has taken me in a direction that many may not approve of, but it's honestly been a great direction for us. We are happy. We are raising some really, really good kids, and I've been so proud of them. Many people within the Mormon culture often talk about the families within the “mission field” with only two Mormons in the High School with such adoration. Nobody ever mentions the brave, brave, non-Mormon souls living in Utah.

Last year, Elder Marlin Jensen, the Mormon church's outgoing official historian, acknowledged that members are defecting from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints "in droves" and that the pace is increasing.

I'm sure many of my readers here know of someone personally that may be “struggling with their testimony” or who may not believe in the church anymore. If anything, hopefully this blog post will give some insight that can help you find compassion for these people. All too often, when a person is struggling with faith issues, families turn on each other, even leading to divorce in many cases. Please keep in mind that just because someone may start to have differing religious views, that doesn't make them a bad father/mother/sister/friend, and that they are still the same person you know and love. Love them. Reach out to them. Try to understand them. They need you.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Slut Walk 2012

Yesterday, I participated in a slut walk. I was so glad that I did this!! Before you freak out, here's the low down on what a slut walk is as dictated from their Facebook page:

"About

 A protest against slut shaming, victim blaming, sexual assault, and rape culture.
 Description
 On January 24th, 2011, a representative of the Toronto Police gave shocking insight into the  Force’s view of sexual assault by stating: “women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized”. This sentiment is not isolated. Slut shaming degrades women by defining them as "sluts" based on how they dress, how they look, or how they approach sex. And it is a major pillar of rape culture, facilitating victim blaming in many cases of rape, sexual assault, street harassment, and other despicable acts (Examples: http://thecurvature.com/category/feminism/slut-shaming/ ).

In response to the officer's vile comments, Toronto's feminist community organized a creative protest known as a "SlutWalk." This protest is being mirrored in many cities to protest rape culture, sexual assault, and slut shaming."

I cried as the organizer, Tiffany Thorne, spoke of her recent horror at discovering her rapist was declared "Not Guilty" by the courts.  As a survivor of sexual assault myself, her story touched my heart deeply, and I couldn't help but be proud to be counted among the many women and even men that showed up in protest of terrible crimes, raising their voices that some may have found had been taken from them; lost in the confusion and sadness of something precious that had been taken from them:  their own free will.  

"Every 2 minutes, someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted.


  • 44% of victims are under age 18
  • 80% are under age 30
  • There is an average of 207,754 victims (age 12 or older) of sexual assault each year
  • 54% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police
  • 97% of rapists will never spend a day in jail
  • Approximately 2/3 of assaults are committed by someone known to the victim"

http://www.rainn.org/statistics

These statistics are alarming, to say the least.  What's MOST alarming to me is the culture that seeks to blame the victim.  Often it seems the response to rape or sexual crimes places more guilt on the victim than the perpetrator.  "Have you seen what she's been wearing lately? She was probably asking for it."  I know these responses may seem exaggerated, but I have heard those words used myself toward a girl that got raped.  The truth is, what you're wearing has very little to do with whether or not you'll get raped.

According to Utah State University:

"Rape myths are society’s way of coping with the fear of rape. Unfortunately, myths foster a false sense of security. While their grip on society is weakening through public education, many still believe these false notions. Knowing the truth about rape allows us to recognize its reality and, therefore, take measures to end sexual violence. Myths also encourage survivors of sexual violence to blame themselves for being attacked instead of seeing rape as a social problem

Myth: Rape victims provoke the attack by wearing provocative clothing
Most convicted rapists do not remember what they were wearing.
Victims range in age from days old to those in their nineties, hardly provocative dressers."
http://www.usu.edu/saavi/docs/myths_realities.pdf

I'm not entirely fond of the name "SlutWalk".  I believe there would have been more supporters if they simply changed this derogatory name.  However, the work that these women are doing is incredibly important.  Rape and sexual assault is mostly targeted toward women.  As women, we need to find our voices and shout out against sexual crimes.  Perhaps, little by little, we can make a large difference in the world, and it starts in the home.  Teach your little boys to be respectful of women no matter what they are wearing.  Teach your girls to know that MEN are completely responsible for their own choices, and that they are not to blame if they are assaulted in any way. Be open and frank with your children so they can come to you in their moment of need.  THIS IS IMPORTANT.  Together we can make a difference.


Monday, January 10, 2011

Ack! My first ever blog post!

I feel like I need to immediately begin this blog with a disclaimer: I have very little filtering action that goes on between my brain and my fingertips. For that reason, I have always been terrified to throw all my random thoughts out there for the world to view. Nobody should ever be allowed to see my thoughts so transparently. What you read may frighten and alarm you. The personal glimpses you will receive into the mind of Becky Hunt may leave you twitching uncontrollably and haunted forever by the images instilled in your brains from reading this blog. I cannot and will not be held responsible for any derogatory effects that may occur from your perusing my blog. Verily, verily, and amen.

If you accept the above statement, and would like to somehow miraculously continue reading my blog, please cyber sign here, preferably in blood... (I also do not advocate using someone else's blood to cyber sign. Or murder for that matter, or anything like unto it.) ______________________________.

Are we good? Did you really reach your finger out there and sign on the underlined portion of your monitor? Yes? Very well then! You may continue. But don't say I didn't warn you......

Hahahahahahah! Or shall I say Mwah-hah-hah-hah! Heh. May as well thoroughly creep you out at the beginning of the blog in order to make the rest of them sound partially sane, right? My strategy is impeccable!  Aye yay yay....why am I doing this again? Oh yeah.....I think I really need an outlet for my thoughts. My hubby works for a small company, and he works a lot. I come from a family of nine kids, and I have a twin sister. My family lives in Utah, and my twin lives in Germany. I'm not used to hanging out on my lonesome very often, and I'm hoping that this will be a good way to keep my sanity.....I'm thinking it will actually be a testament to my in-sanity, but hey, it'll be a sweet ride, won't it? ;) Again, please refer to the statement above. Hah.

This past year has been a really interesting one for my sweet little family and me.  We've seen some dramatic changes that one day I may type about if I get enough brave-osity thrumming through my veins.  There's nobody that I would rather have taken this journey with than my sweet hubby.  I feel so lucky to have found him.  He came into my life as my knight in shining armour, and he has remained so ever since. Blah blah blah, I love him and stuff......

But enough about him, let's talk about ME! Okay, dearest reader, I need to let you in on a little something if you don't know me very well. The title of my blog represents my thoughts very well. Those who know me know they need to speak Becky code in order to keep up with my random thoughts.  I can start up a conversation that happened a month, a week, a couple days beforehand as if we were in the midst of the conversation precisely at that moment. After ten years of marriage, my hubby's about 90% versed in Becky code.

....."Yeah, but I don't think that's really true." BOOM! He knows that I'm talking about that news article we talked about last week. It's remarkable! In another ten years, we won't even have to say anything to each other. We can just grunt at each other like cavemen, and in one grunt, he will know that I just quoted the Gettysburg address, which lead me to think of liberty, which coincidentally lead me to think that we need to go buy some ice cream, since we only have a couple five gallon buckets left in the freezer. 'Cause we all know that freedom=the right to eat ice cream with no feelings of guilt.  Which leads me to my next subject:

Ice cream. I freakin' love it. It is my one true weakness. The one thing that keeps me from perfection and being twinkled. I haven't bought it for about three months now. I may get twinkled. Tomorrow.

Next item on my mind: Math! My kiddos math, to be more precise. I should be doing that at about this point instead of sitting here typing. I'm purty darn good at memorizing things, numbers, songs, etc. 8th grade locker combo? 18-20-16. High School friend numbers? 224-6728! 224-4616! Those numbers will be with me for life!  I took College Algebra in High School and got a 4.0, and I didn't do concurrent enrollment at the time because I didn't know what it was. Fast forward to taking it in College again since I was stupid enough to pass up concurrent enrollment. I learned that math anxiety is a real thing.  I would study so hard for every single test. I knew what I was doing. The teacher even had me help people on occasion. I would work with my study group, proving that I could do the math, pray, shout some hail mary's, try to not study too hard, anything that would help me out on a test, and then proceed to the testing center with high hopes only to bomb my test every time. EVERY time! Based on quizzes and homework alone, I would have got an A. It was so discouraging. 

I vowed once I finished that course that I would never do math again. And then I had three kids. What I didn't realize at the time is that I would have to do math over and over and over again with each one of them. HOW'S THAT for the FINE PRINT?! If I had but known.....hahah! Speaking of which, I may or may not be avoiding helping my daughter with her math homework as we speak....er, as I type. So, I'm gonna have to cut this one short.

Thanks for reading, if you've made it this far! I feel honored that you would stick around despite all the craziness! Here's hoping I might ever blog it up again. It could happen. There's a chance. I have so much more to say! Until then, dear diary. ;)